Live spherically...and without abandon

Six months in...

Enough has occurred in the last six months that I can recognize a shift/change in myself. I am not sure if it is age combined with wisdom, or if it is simply the truth surfacing. Being solitary is no longer scary. Being different from the average isn't as lonely. Being... has become a lot easier. I have also noticed a parallel between my training and my life.

In my training, I have been seeking to find myself in the movements. Searching for the nuances that make my HapKiDo distinct from other Black Belts. The phrase is "Make it your own." Often times, I wondered to myself, 'how?' It was clear that I didn't know who I was, in or out of the dojang. My shortened, stunted movements are my unsureness showing through. My insecurities are visible in my finishing techniques. My inability to 'flow' demonstrating my unwillingness to let go. Normally, I would be wound up so tight after having recognized all these roadblocks, but that is not the case anymore. In recognizing them, I realize I have to trust them. Believe in them. Nurture them. I am where I need to be..to change and grow.

In my everyday life, I have been expressing a need to cut from the pack and reach for hopes and wishes and dreams that were once mere ideas. Again, the three same roadblocks affect this aspect of my life as well. Being unsure, insecure and stagnant kept me from moving forward. I would approach a new rung on the ladder of my goal and find myself worried about the distance I have already traveled...the possibility of instability the higher I rose. I found my desires abate because of the slightest resistance, and I would wonder if I was completely wrong from the beginning. That maybe, I was chasing the wrong dream. But, that wasn't the case. You see, my goals and dreams were correct because they were mine. What was missing was balance.

Balance, what I have learned, is what I needed the most to achieve these new goals. Moving forward, upward or outward to achieve a goal is good. But each cannot sustain alone. The balance of moving in three directions not only provides a solid base, it will lend itself to a finite point that is deliberate in its aim to the target.

Forward: continuing with the next technique regardless of the last technique performed...as time and perserverence will lend it self to proper form and technique.

Upward: seeking more wisdom and knowledge from those ahead of me that will help to shape my techniques, of which will soon become my own.

Outward: Share. Share what I have learned, express what I have learned and live what I have learned on a daily basis.

By doing all three, on a daily basis, I will not only make my HapKido 'my own', but my life will be 'all my own'.