Nothin' Bout Love Makes Sense - Leann Rimes

I have been single now for approximately...counting....9 years. Yes, it seems like quite a long time, but they have gone by fast. The early years were filled with much resentment and bitterness. (I'll leave the names out) The middle were about accepting the facts that it-takes-two-to-tango and that I had screwed up the relationships just as much as they did. Once the denial was over, I moved onto the repairing and rewiring phase. I had to let go of a lot of negative talk and thoughts. (Many times people think they're being humble when they say self-deprecating comments about themselves, but those words are actually hurtful to one's self. ) I learned that being humble and confident in one's self was what I needed to achieve. No more saying "Sorry" for things beyond my control, no more thinking that I was 'not worth it', and definitely no more settling for second best if I didn't need or have to. Now...the last few years have been getting the inner confidence to reflect on the outside. I can have all the strength and power within, but to put it out there and show it was a challenge. What if someone challenged me? Would I cower away or stand up for myself? Would I revert back to my old ways? And so, nine years and counting. I think I've gotten myself to a steady platform of well-roundedness - not literally- as well as being comfortable with who I am and what I hope to be and reflect to others. Having said all that...
Melissa called me this morning to tell me that I had a 'sniffer'. "A what?", I asked. "A sniffer." She was referring to the lifeguard at the pool. He, apparently, is interested and had been asking about me. Well, I told her I wasn't interested, but she let me know that the past is the past, and I should start to let people in. Understood and quite right. My co-worker asked me about exercises that one could do to tone and raise the gluteus maximus. I told him what they were, to which he instructed that I do them because when that man comes along, he may want a firm backside on me. He has been trying to get me married off for a few months now. I said all that to say this...
I do have moments of daydreaming of a special someone in my life. I entertain ideas of long talks and laughing and the whole courtship thing. But I want the butterflies. I want the giggles for no reason. I want that unsure feeling when he walks in the room. Individuals that were happy in their relationships have consistently said 'they just knew'. They went with their gut feeling and asked no questions. That is what I want. I am waiting for that moment when I hear that voice that says, 'Yeah, he'll do.' I want the fantasy, more or less. I know, they don't exsist. But if someone is writing about them, they have the potential to come alive once in a blue moon, I believe. And if the fantasy never comes, so be it. That is what I have chose to wait for and I'll take what comes with it, good or bad. In the mean time, I am having a blast training for a marathon, taking guitar lessons and fixing jewelry.
But if any of you have had the notion to set me up with a possible sniffer, I'll tell you this now. I like atheletic guys that are well spoken and confident almost to a fault. If he asks a lot of questions of you and seems shy, I don't want him. I want a guy to compliment me, not mirror me. If he acts shy too, we'll probably get no where. Oh, and clean fingernails. And I'm big on hygiene. Okay, I've said enough. Going back to my soldering of necklaces. See you Rockettes tomorrow.