Death Wakes Me...

Death wakes me up everyday. He is there when my alarm clock sounds in the dark hours before dawn, greeting me as I fumble through the mental rolodex of 'what's that noise?...what day is it?' He answers, "Your alarm is going off...its Wednesday." (Each day has a new agenda..the routines vary) 'Ahhh, Crossfit.' Death lingers in my bedroom long enough to see if I will stay in bed or get up.

Everyday, Death lurks in and out of my space ...stopping by to check on my state-of-mind and how I am dealing with the events I have no control over. Sometimes we have long conversations of current events, other people, my hair...for the most part, he doesn't remain for very long. There are times; however, when I get a flare up of misery. (It appears like dry, scaly skin that can catch lint from clothing.) Misery may catch itself on Death's drapery, allowing bits of him to remain with me for a short time...or days to weeks. The only thing that can keep Misery from recurring is to rehydrate myself with things that Misery is unable to sustain. The Crossfit and all its powerful movements helps to shake off the remininsce of Death's lint. Misery can't hold-on very well and it sure can't keep up with me on a run. And, in a rather surprising manner, Misery doesn't like pain. It actually steers clear from it.
I learned early on that HapKiDo was like a drug. The body's adaptation to continuous jolts of pain actually diminished the groggy, sedative feeling that Misery produced. When I would feel depressed with the weight of Misery on my shoulders, I would intentionally look for a HapKiDo player that was excellent at invoking pain-compliance on his partner. Those moments were non-religious exorcisims. (Before my 1st Dan test, Misery clung to my side. She knew that I couldn't run forever with my questionable joints. She knew that Crossfit wouldn't last forever too. She also knew that HapKiDo was of a different matter. It came from a history of powerful influences that couldn't be bound, muchless support her.)
Death doesn't come into the Dojang. He stays outside. Every once in a while, I'll see him standing outside, watching. He's not there to collect, he's there like a proud father. He knows I find his presence encouraging, not defeating. He won't come to collect as long as I have purpose. Right now, my purpose is to teach those junior to me in HapKiDo. When I run out of purposes for living, then, he will arrive...and I will be ready.

Death is something I think about often. It is written in the Bible that a wise person acknowledges death. I am on the path to wisdom with each day that I live.

And now, if you will excuse me...I have Open Class at the Dojang!