Friday, April 09, 2010

"I" in Team??

I have found that since getting my Black Belt, I have experienced instances in which I have lost my humility. I begin to feel strong and vibrant an alive, full of that spirit that i had as a young and hopeful woman, only to be reminded that I have overstepped my place...again. These moments are made clear to me in the most subtle ways, which are the worst. I'd much rather be yelled at or maybe not given room to be bold. I like to teach, but who am I to teach at 1st Dan. I only grasped basic motion...not the techniques, as it were. If I had, I wouldn't have made the mistake of teaching something that Chief wasn't teaching. I wouldn't have confused the junior belts. I lost my sense of humility...and, unfortunately, it isn't isolated to the dojang.

I try my hardest to be cool about things...I haven't complained or argued over things as I had before. I am trying to just go with the flow. I'm not really sure how to balance it all. I can't ask anyone..I just get blank stares. How does one handle the need to fix things, to make things right, to be clear in method and approach? How does one stay true to one's self and still be team player? (Its amazing how the week started out on a high...then sunk to a new depth)

2 comments:

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