I have had a day to reflect on the past weekend and although many parts to this unknown life of mine remain a mystery, I did have a moment of clarity during my lunch break. But let me go back in time for a moment...
I wasn't nervous leading up to the race. Not even on race day, standing among 40,000 runners. I wondered how I would feel or how much I would miss of all the things to see. Despite being with fellow Makeover participants, I was in a surreal moment, like in the movies when the main character is in slow motion while the rest of the world is in real time. In a word, peace. And HOW COOL was it when the first song on the loud speaker was a Van Halen song? The very song I had quoted to you all on a prior blog, 'Right Now'. At that moment it was clear that it was meant to be.
Much similar to everyone else's statement, the first 13 miles for me was a breeze. I felt no pain, no worry. By mile 16, however, concern set in. At 19, I was worried. Mile Marker 21 met me with a furrowed brow and doubt. 'Never went past 20 before. Just 5 more to go.' Honestly, I hadn't felt that sense of struggle since I was in bootcamp. It never occurred to me to quit, but I was annoyed at how those last five miles were much longer than the first 5 miles.
OH! And I saw the HOUND! I saw his spy first. I believe the owners were unsure I was staring down their dog, but he knew why. He never barked or moved. His eyes followed me until I was past him. When I looked back, there were runners blocking the view. But as they drifted along, I noticed that he was still staring at me. That was at mile 9, I think. Still going strong. I later saw the Basset Hound. Huge! Wouldn't look me in the eye. VICTORY! How sweet. I am only glad he wasnt't there at the latter part, but I have a feeling all those dogs along the way were his cronies.
Anyway, I was thinking back to when I started all this. I had doubts, others had doubts. But regardless of those doubts, it just felt right. I wasn't suppose to be anywhere else doing anything else. That's how it felt at the start and finish of the marathon. I ran, I danced and I laughed...and it was all to the beat of my own drum. And it felt right. Whenever I followed it, things seem to fall in place. I cut my hair, again. Despite the winces and 'What were you thinking?' questions, I know what I did felt right. There were times when I've pissed people off for following my own beat... But it felt right. Maybe my drum isn't the right pitch or the beat is calypso, whatever the case, I gotta do what feels right. Right?! (If I have ever caused any feelings of unease or discontent with any one of you at any time, know that it wasn't personal - the drum beat was probably ringing in my ear). So, I am no longer going to subdue the resounding echo that beckons me to follow. Nor will I be sorry for it.
As for writing a book... I don't know if I've even 'lived' enough to write a book. I think while I can still move fast enough, I'll keep moving and living. When I can't move as fast anymore, then I'll sit and write about it all. By then, I may have more answers than I do questions. (Don't you love the feeling of suspense?)
Though it was sad to see everyone leave the airport one by one - much like graduation - we all knew it had to be that way. For several months, however, we all shared the same beat. How sweet was that? I am excited and proud to say I ran with all you Marathoners. Mark, Robin and Matt, thanks for doing this a second year - you helped me grow. And to the Reservoir Rockettes - you kept me honest and laughing and let me follow my own beat. I'll see you next week - kicking and screaming every step of the way. To the rest of you...Fare thee well and God Bless.
....pa rum pum pum pum...
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