Cooking in the Dojang

I was listening to the audio version of Julia Child's book titled, "My Life in France". She was intriguing and inspiring, not only for her fearlessness with which she immersed herself in foreign cultures but also how she always found a way to look at the glass 'half-full'.

Over two years ago, I started taking HapKiDo. I wanted to be active and get some exercise and I needed something that had finite goals. Martial Arts seemed to be the best way to do both. I had managed to take to HapKiDo like a tiger in the jungle. It felt comfortable and natural. Now, just under the three year mark, I am approaching my Black Belt test..which is not really a test as it was given at Red Belt. This, however, did not make me feel any better. I wasn't excited and I didn't want to take the test. I didn't even know if I had wanted to continue HapKiDo. I felt as though I should have grasped the concepts and terminology AND the techniques with a firm understanding and perform in a consistent, stellar manner. I was not happy with my inability to act or react naturally and fluidly. This is not the way a Black Belt should look.

As I listened to the last of the 4 CD audio book, Julia imbibed her wisdoms and anecdotes throughout the chapters. "Never Apologize", she stated in reference to a mistake made in the kitchen. If it can't be fixed on the spot, chalk it up as a learning experience, and move on. She had worked on her project for a French Cookbook for the American Cook for approximately 10 years when she was told they wouldn't publish it because it was too detailed and overwhelming. She was saddened at the news, but said she was not filled with self-pity. She was proud of what she had accomplished and the work she did, because she loved what she did. Finally, it was time for her to give up her home that she and her husband had come to love and share with family and friends. She claimed that she didn't feel sad that they were losing the place because when an time/event had run its course, she simply moved on without regret or sorrow.

I see now that my time as Red Belt is fast approaching it final months. And, through all the moments that were spent training, and those that weren't; I must realize that those moments no longer exist but in my mind. They are lodged adjacent to the mistakes. Intangible and fading. As worked up as I had gotten about making a mistake during the 'test' or not performing to a standard that I conjured up in my mind, I realize that I could and can be proud of myself for my accomplishments. I don't need the Black Belt to validate what I know or the many months I sweated in the dojang.

I did not think that Julia's life experiences would parallel my own. Nor did I think that she would be the words of wisdom in my ears that were the 'a-ha' moment for me and my lulled HapKiDo pursuit.

Julia worked incessantly and with fervor when it came to cooking and dissecting the minute details of French cooking to please her inquistive nature of food. She enjoyed and loved it..before the book deals and t.v. shows. I hope I can be as true to myself and the love of HapKiDo as Julia was to her passion: a French Chef from Pasedena, California!!