It's all in the fine print.

Evening!
How is everyone? Today started off a good day. I think God must have read my blog yesterday because the radio was chalk full of good songs to blast when I woke up. It was great to see new faces at the Y this morning. Melissa, Cathy C., Dawn, Phaedra showed up bushy-tailed but not as bright eyed at that point. Susan returned too. Anyone else who wants to have someone to talk to on the runs or walks, come on!

Yesterday, during my afternoon break, my Father calls me and tells me that he has won a $1000 shopping spree online. I asked from where, he said it came in the mail. I asked from who, he said Wilson/Dodge. Despite my insistance that he throw it away, he was adament that he won. So I instructed him not to do anything until I read the fine print, because he never reads the fine print. So today, he arrives at my work place at lunchtime so I can see for myself his amazing winnings. What he hands me is a flyer made of decent cardstock, folded in half. The side with his address also has a larger box with 'Scratch off the box to see what you have won'. Below was a five digit number scratched all to ... like a he was trying to start fire. The opposite side was a blank form that read: 30 Day Temporary TAG. Now I was curious. On the inside was a colorful picture of a car with the caption, We Need Your Trade-In! I point this out to him, but the blank stare I got informed me that my Father was only concerned about the $1000 shopping spree, so I continued reading. A list of possible prizes were at the bottom with, of course, fine writing just below that. First off, it stated that the buyer would have to pay for shipping and handling as well as taxes. I explained this to the brick wall with eyes sitting next to me. Yadda,yadda, yadda, blah, blah,blah... provided that trade-in meets standards... .
Bless this man's heart. I read to him the last line of the fine print. A spot of life shown through in the form of a frown. "Do you want to give this car up for a new one?" I asked. (He just got this car about four months ago.) "No!" he said emphatically. "Well, you're going to have to trade-in a car to get this shopping spree." His old face scrunched up into a fist. Defeat sank in. "Go ahead, tear it up." I wish he could have won the shopping spree, but Lord knows what he would have bought. My Father is the type of man the believes in 'mean what you say and say what you mean'. Fine Print not included.

How much easier would life be if all of those bad situations that we have encountered had a disclaimer, asterisk leading to the fine print, or a warning label. I could think of a few boyfriends that must have cut off their tag. Mine would say:
30 year old female, 5'4", Brown eyes, Black hair
No Accessories included.
Contents: Good heart, decent amount of knowledge/common sense, all organs,
no wisdom teeth, sometimes full of .... but little residual thereafter.
Handling: Wash and wear. Low maintenace. Minimum of shaving, brushing,
plucking and washing required.
Warning: Contents may explode under large amounts of pressure. Keep away from
Buffets, Fast food, and checkout lanes with candy, especially animal crackers.
DO NOT FEED!!!
If feeding occurs, back away immediately and seek cover. Ravenous eating
could cause trauma induced blindness and possible anal leakage.

What would your fine print say?